Give way! Here comes the city bus
Anyone who visits Chennai cannot miss the sight of the ubiquitous MTC city bus. This public transport vehicle which is decked in dull green livery is hailed as the lifeline of the metropolis. But this does not excuse the fact that the MTC employs drivers who ought to be participating in the monster truck driving competition which is sometimes shown on ESPN. Statistics actually suggest that this peculiar sport has a spectator value equalling that of beach volleyball! People do have strange tastes.
Coming back to the topic, the MTC drivers give the impression that they have come straight from the highways of hell. And this affliction seems to be present in almost every single one of their species. The mystery was solved when one payed a visit to one of the numerous MTC depots and managed to secure a copy of "Guidelines to driving an MTC bus" given to drivers. Here's one such copy:-
Congratulations! You are now a proud member of the MTC family. We at MTC constantly strive to provide infrequent, uncomfortable and nerve-racking bus services to the gullible population of Chennai. From now on you are part of an elite clan, the creme de la creme among Chennai drivers.
Guidelines:
1. The road is your domain. If anyone, particularly a two-wheeler, happens to intrude into your domain, you are given carte blanche to adopt any means to scare him away.
2. Feel free to skip as many stops as you like. If a passenger waiting at the stop makes a rude gesture in response, adopt the same measures as in (1)
3. If a passenger in the bus claims it was his stop that you skipped adopt the same measures as in (1) and (2) to shut him up.
4. If the above mentioned passengers happen to be young females, ignore (2) and (3) and bring the bus to a halt immediately at the appropriate stop.
5. Avoid using the clutch while changing gears (except while changing from neutral to first). Don't worry, the bus won't complain.
6. Since our emissions are deemed to be the worst polluters in the city, we decided to mollify the Pollution control board by reducing our levels of noise pollution. Henceforth you will not be provided with a horn.
7. If you feel the urgent need to use a horn you can adopt any of the following 3 measures:
a. Keep raising the accelerator with engine idling. The resulting cacophony which rivals that of a rice mill is guaranteed to scare anyone.
b. Keep hammering the outside of your door with your open palm. A very effective method.
c. If (a) and (b) fail, you can always lean out your window and hurl the choicest of epithets in the local lingo.
8. Drive like a man possessed even if the traffic is overwhelming. The sole purpose of this exercise is to inject a spirit of adventure into the mundane lives of the city populace.
9. Feel free to ignore traffic signals as they are not for privileged souls like you. Don't worry about the traffic constables, though. They are indebted to us, since we give them free rides in our buses everyday.
10. If a smaller vehicle attempts to overtake you, weave constantly from one lane to another to prevent him from doing so.
11. While approaching a stop, do not bring the bus to a halt exactly in front of the waiting passengers. Instead, conduct a running race for them by taking the bus far beyond the stop.
12. In case you are involved in an accident, better ditch and run like crazy.
Hoping you will have a long association with us, we wish you lots of luck (you'll need it).
Yours sincerely,
The management
Coming back to the topic, the MTC drivers give the impression that they have come straight from the highways of hell. And this affliction seems to be present in almost every single one of their species. The mystery was solved when one payed a visit to one of the numerous MTC depots and managed to secure a copy of "Guidelines to driving an MTC bus" given to drivers. Here's one such copy:-
Congratulations! You are now a proud member of the MTC family. We at MTC constantly strive to provide infrequent, uncomfortable and nerve-racking bus services to the gullible population of Chennai. From now on you are part of an elite clan, the creme de la creme among Chennai drivers.
Guidelines:
1. The road is your domain. If anyone, particularly a two-wheeler, happens to intrude into your domain, you are given carte blanche to adopt any means to scare him away.
2. Feel free to skip as many stops as you like. If a passenger waiting at the stop makes a rude gesture in response, adopt the same measures as in (1)
3. If a passenger in the bus claims it was his stop that you skipped adopt the same measures as in (1) and (2) to shut him up.
4. If the above mentioned passengers happen to be young females, ignore (2) and (3) and bring the bus to a halt immediately at the appropriate stop.
5. Avoid using the clutch while changing gears (except while changing from neutral to first). Don't worry, the bus won't complain.
6. Since our emissions are deemed to be the worst polluters in the city, we decided to mollify the Pollution control board by reducing our levels of noise pollution. Henceforth you will not be provided with a horn.
7. If you feel the urgent need to use a horn you can adopt any of the following 3 measures:
a. Keep raising the accelerator with engine idling. The resulting cacophony which rivals that of a rice mill is guaranteed to scare anyone.
b. Keep hammering the outside of your door with your open palm. A very effective method.
c. If (a) and (b) fail, you can always lean out your window and hurl the choicest of epithets in the local lingo.
8. Drive like a man possessed even if the traffic is overwhelming. The sole purpose of this exercise is to inject a spirit of adventure into the mundane lives of the city populace.
9. Feel free to ignore traffic signals as they are not for privileged souls like you. Don't worry about the traffic constables, though. They are indebted to us, since we give them free rides in our buses everyday.
10. If a smaller vehicle attempts to overtake you, weave constantly from one lane to another to prevent him from doing so.
11. While approaching a stop, do not bring the bus to a halt exactly in front of the waiting passengers. Instead, conduct a running race for them by taking the bus far beyond the stop.
12. In case you are involved in an accident, better ditch and run like crazy.
Hoping you will have a long association with us, we wish you lots of luck (you'll need it).
Yours sincerely,
The management
posted by Unknown @ 2:18 AM
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