True Lies

Despite the title, this post is not a review or a critique of the popular 90's action film by the same name, in which the present Governor of Kaleefoniah got a chance to display his (non existant) acting skills. But ofcourse nobody goes to an Arnold film expecting tear jearking histrionics. We are more than happy watching him throw people out of windows and mumble incomprehensible one-liners to his enemies. Rumours abound that he's doing the same thing to his political opponents today.

This particular post is about the normal human tendency to lie to extricate oneself from sticky situations. When most of us were kids we resorted to telling little white lies to cover up our escapades and to avoid punishments. Having studied in a boarding school for 10 years I've done my fair share of lying. Ofcourse lying is an art in itself and mastering it requires a little bit of imagination and presence of mind. Some are adept at it whereas some others are pitiful when it comes to lie telling.

Being caught while lying is an absolute nightmare that I've had to face a few times at school. Nailing a lie takes skill which my former biology teacher Mr.Francis had in plenty. He adroitly used his cunning to catch liars offguard when they least expected it. One such incident happened 10 years ago during the study hours in school. Chatting with other students in the study hall was strictly forbidden and to help enforce this rule there was a study master who watched the students like a hawk. During that particular day since the regular study master was absent, Mr.Francis was sent as a replacement. Taking his outwardly calm demeanour at face value, I started yakking to my partner Manoj in muted whispers.

I was ofcourse assuming that Mr.Francis wouldn't be alert enough to take notice since he was standing nearly 100 feet away, looking lost in thought. But he was doing nothing of that kind. He was as alert and keen as ever. All of a sudden, he pointed to me from the distance and beckoned. Oh, no! I realised I had been caught. Ok, the situation can still be redeemed I decided. There was no way he could have heard the contents of my conversation from that distance. I walked up to him with a sense of purpose, confident enough that I could offer a convincing explanation for chatting with Manoj.

Finally when I reached him he still had the calm look on his face, but I noticed his right hand was brandishing a plastic scale. Ok, I'd better get my explanation spot on or that scale is going to land hard on my palms.

Mr.Francis(still with a calm look): What were you talking to that fellow over there?
Me(having decided to keep it simple): Sir, I was asking him for his notebook.

While I was hoping this simple explanation would suffice he beckoned Manoj over. Hmm....what's he calling him for? Didn't my explantion sound convincing enough? As I was mulling over this, Manoj ambled up to us all the way from his desk at the far end.

Manoj(a touch nervous): Sir?
Mr.Francis(to Manoj): Did he ask you for a pencil?
Manoj(vigorously nodding his head in agreement): Yessir, that's right.

Thwack, thwack, thwack.....we ended up getting the scale treatment in front of the entire study hall. Not only did our palms take a beating but our egos too. After we left the study Manoj got a sound tongue lashing from me for his gullibility. He retaliated saying that I was no better as I didn't warn him beforehand about the explanation I was going to give. Nevertheless we realised we were bested at our own game by our shrewd biology teacher. Even after all these years Manoj and me have a good laugh whenever we reminisce this incident.

But I must point out that Manoj had a track record for being one of the poorest liars in class. His lies couldn't even fool a two year old. During the first year in boarding school when he was just 8 years old, he was overcome with a sudden feeling of homesickness. So he along with a few others experiencing the same feeling, decided to sneak out of campus and hitch a ride home. While the group were waiting at the bus stand a good 3 kms away from school, they were spotted by some of the school staff who happened to pass that way. On being questioned as to what they were doing there, Manoj immediately replied that they were looking for their tennis ball which was hit from school.

When the staff tried to point out that even King Kong couldn't have hit the ball that far, he still stuck to the same explanation. Needless to say the group was marched off to school where he was ridiculed by all and sundry. Some people just don't have it in them to lie convincingly (like Bill Clinton).

Though politicians have perfected the art of lying, some of their lies defy all possible logic. There was this incident a couple of years ago where Lalu Prasad Yadav and his wife were accused of remaining seated when the national anthem was being played during the independance day celebrations. Lalu claimed it was not true and that both him and his wife were standing in erect attention during the anthem. When a photograph was produced verifying the allegation, he claimed it was a conspiracy of his rivals working in tandem with the fascist media to besmirch his noble image.

So if you haven't yet mastered the art of lying,what are you waiting for? Go and join a law school right away.