Queues queues everywhere
Most Chennai folk have remarkable levels of patience which borders on the infinite. Probably honed by spending most of their waking moments waiting in queues for accessing most services. In fact the amount of time a Chennaiite spends in queue waiting is more than what an Indian cricketer spends appearing in ads. Ration shops, railway reservation counters, telephone & electricity billing counters, banks, theatres, restaurants and public restrooms (yup that's right), these are some of the many places where the formation of long winding queues is inevitable.
I've done my fair share of waiting in long queues and the experiences have been varied. I've learnt that if the person standing in front of you is a hot chick you won't feel the passage of time at all, never mind the fact that the queue is crawling slower than a drunk snail. But if the person next to you is a fat man with bad breath who keeps breaking wind every now and then, that'll feel like the longest day in your life.
During my school days whenever we had to wait in line, there was an unwritten policy that we strictly adhered to. To prevent guys from "giving cuts" to their friends who did not make it to the queue, we had decided that you cannot give a place to your friend immediately behind you in the queue(also called 'back cut'). But you could give him a place in front of you in the queue(predictably called the 'front cut'). The reasoning being, nobody would feel inclined to give a 'front cut' to their friends because it would entail an even longer period of wait for the person giving the cut. But ofcourse being the clever boys we were, we developed a way to overcome this unwritten clause. If someone, say 'X', wanted to enter the queue midway, he'd find a friend 'Y' and ask him for a 'front cut'. After X enters the queue, 'Y' would relinquish his place in the queue and ask 'X' for a front cut in return. When that was granted, 'Y' would retain his original position in the queue and 'X' finds a place behind him, much to the chagrin of the person who was originally behind 'Y'. Ofcourse there were times when 'X', after getting the 'front cut', would not give 'Y' a return 'front cut' leaving him in the lurch and thereby creating an enemy for life.
But not all people possess the kind of ingenuity we had during our school days. There was a guy who wanted to go to the head of the queue waiting in a bank counter and the reason he gave to the others was, "Sir, the queue is very long.". As though we were all blind and couldn't see it. Talk about stating the obvious! There was another who stated, "Sir, I am a busy man. I can't waste my time in this queue. So let me be done here and then you can go back to waiting". This guy would surely win the award for Mr.Considerate. And what was he thinking? That all others were waiting because they needed the time to do research on whether the Yanomama tribes brush their teeth!
Frequent queue waiting can drive people to hate queues with a venegance, also called "queueophobia". I just coined the word by the way. There was the case of a tough sergeant who once snarled to a bewildered soldier, "Well, I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."And the soldier replied, "Not me, Sarge! Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
A couple of years back when I was in Salem, I had gone to Vasanth Vihar for lunch. The crowd in the restaurant was humongous, but my hunger was so intense that I could have gorged anything (even upma or kanji). Since there were no other hotels close by, I had no option but to wait patiently. Finally I secured a place after a 30 minute long wait. While I was attacking my lunch with all the enthusiasm of an Arab prince watching a belly dancing show, a man kept staring at my plate. I realised he was waiting to take my spot the moment I finished, but he could have atleast stood back a little further than he did. In fact he was closer to my plate than I. He looked like he was ready to wolf down the contents of my plate if I didn't vacate the spot sooner.
Nowadays, whenever I wait in a queue I am reminded of this joke:-
I've done my fair share of waiting in long queues and the experiences have been varied. I've learnt that if the person standing in front of you is a hot chick you won't feel the passage of time at all, never mind the fact that the queue is crawling slower than a drunk snail. But if the person next to you is a fat man with bad breath who keeps breaking wind every now and then, that'll feel like the longest day in your life.
During my school days whenever we had to wait in line, there was an unwritten policy that we strictly adhered to. To prevent guys from "giving cuts" to their friends who did not make it to the queue, we had decided that you cannot give a place to your friend immediately behind you in the queue(also called 'back cut'). But you could give him a place in front of you in the queue(predictably called the 'front cut'). The reasoning being, nobody would feel inclined to give a 'front cut' to their friends because it would entail an even longer period of wait for the person giving the cut. But ofcourse being the clever boys we were, we developed a way to overcome this unwritten clause. If someone, say 'X', wanted to enter the queue midway, he'd find a friend 'Y' and ask him for a 'front cut'. After X enters the queue, 'Y' would relinquish his place in the queue and ask 'X' for a front cut in return. When that was granted, 'Y' would retain his original position in the queue and 'X' finds a place behind him, much to the chagrin of the person who was originally behind 'Y'. Ofcourse there were times when 'X', after getting the 'front cut', would not give 'Y' a return 'front cut' leaving him in the lurch and thereby creating an enemy for life.
But not all people possess the kind of ingenuity we had during our school days. There was a guy who wanted to go to the head of the queue waiting in a bank counter and the reason he gave to the others was, "Sir, the queue is very long.". As though we were all blind and couldn't see it. Talk about stating the obvious! There was another who stated, "Sir, I am a busy man. I can't waste my time in this queue. So let me be done here and then you can go back to waiting". This guy would surely win the award for Mr.Considerate. And what was he thinking? That all others were waiting because they needed the time to do research on whether the Yanomama tribes brush their teeth!
Frequent queue waiting can drive people to hate queues with a venegance, also called "queueophobia". I just coined the word by the way. There was the case of a tough sergeant who once snarled to a bewildered soldier, "Well, I suppose after you get discharged from the Army, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and spit on my grave."And the soldier replied, "Not me, Sarge! Once I get out of the Army, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
A couple of years back when I was in Salem, I had gone to Vasanth Vihar for lunch. The crowd in the restaurant was humongous, but my hunger was so intense that I could have gorged anything (even upma or kanji). Since there were no other hotels close by, I had no option but to wait patiently. Finally I secured a place after a 30 minute long wait. While I was attacking my lunch with all the enthusiasm of an Arab prince watching a belly dancing show, a man kept staring at my plate. I realised he was waiting to take my spot the moment I finished, but he could have atleast stood back a little further than he did. In fact he was closer to my plate than I. He looked like he was ready to wolf down the contents of my plate if I didn't vacate the spot sooner.
Nowadays, whenever I wait in a queue I am reminded of this joke:-
In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the man in front turned and snarled, “Just what the hell are you doing?” “Well,” said the guy, “you see, I’m a chiropractor and I could see that you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can’t help practising my art!”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” the guy replied. “I’m a tax inspector. “Do you see me screwing the guy in front of me?”
posted by Unknown @ 4:58 AM
|
